Something about motherhood tends to catapult a woman into a search for true spirituality. Maybe it has something to do with having a small human tugging at you shirt asking (in essence), "So mommy, I get up in the morning, eat a bowl of oatmeal, play with my friends, read bedtime stories, and go to sleep. And then I get up and do it all over again. What's the point?"
Well, maybe they are not quite that straight to the point but they do cut to the chase with pointed questions sometimes, like: "Why is my fish floating upside down? and, Why did my fish go potty with you and not come back? Does he need some of my prune juice?"
I have known my fair share of party-girls-turned mamma's who are suddenly ready to shelve their party glasses and get serious with God. And those of us who have been at it a while may yearn to break free from the daily grind and recaptures a sense of purpose in our lives. Instead our days are filled with the whines of snot-nosed munchkins (God love'em) who are bent on pushing our buttons with the accuracy of a smart bomb. What I am trying to get at is that no matter where we are at in our spiritual lives, most mothers eventually realize that spirituality is not an optional component of life. I remember after Kailey was born the first time I truly felt conflicted with what I knew I should feel. I wanted to have good thoughts, kind words, and appropriate feelings bouncing around in my goody-two=shoes self, but that wasn't always the case. One morning, not too long ago, I felt that my life had been knocked into the No-Mans-Land of Mediocrity. I sat down with my journal and a cup of coffee. With eyes brimming, i uttered, "Dear God, show me what's going on." In the quietness of those moments, I began to write. I felt as if God were telling me, "Stop condemning yourself and come here. You have to be completely open with Me-whether your feelings are light or dark. You have to trust me with them." I could literally visualize God saying , "Come here," with open arms and the smile of acceptance. Since then, God has been taking me on an inner journey and has begun to set me free from many gray clouds that have colored my life.
SO, i post all of this to encourage any other young mommas out there who are struggling with these same issues. Whatever has you feeling on the spiritual ropes, you can be sure that God wants you to come out a winner through the power of His love and acceptance.